YOU STUPID, INBRED YOKEL

Here's a funny article:

Opinion
Democrats stronger, wiser on security
By Larry Atkins, Philadelphia Inquirer, 4/7/06
Strength and Wisdom.

It's the campaign slogan that Democrats should adopt for the forthcoming midterm elections and the 2008 presidential campaign.

In a 2004 speech, former President Clinton emphasized the theme: "Their opponents will tell you we should be afraid of John Kerry and John Edwards because they won't stand up to terrorists. Don't you believe it. ... Strength and wisdom are not opposing values. They move hand in hand."

Republicans did a masterful job of convincing Americans that Kerry and Democrats didn't care about national security. Americans were dumb enough to believe yokel former Sen. Zell Miller when he blubbered that Kerry would defend America with spitballs. ("What's he going to arm them with? Spitballs?" Miller barked, as the foam on his mouth dripped to the podium, making contact with the stench of the hate of his hands. Chris Matthews, before Miller threatened to take him out, Aaron-Burr, style, asked Miller if he was serious about the spitball comment. Miller's answer was "Ruff Ruff Ruff." Matthews then said, "Senator, let me tell you something. If the spitball came from someone as deranged as you, that would be as powerful a weapon as a bunker buster." I think that's when Miller masticated, "Getthehelloutofmyface!," recognizing that Matthews had just rained a shitstorm down upon his hate parade).

Yet it's the Bush administration that has failed miserably in the war on terror and homeland security. As the Dubai debacle indicated, the President has turned a blind eye to ports security and, despite train bombings in London and Madrid, little has been done to bolster Amtrak security. Our borders remain porous. Just last year, investigators from the Government Accountability Office easily entered the United States through Mexico and Canada with enough radioactive material in their vehicles to make two dirty bombs. The investigators got past the Border Patrol with fake paperwork. (The Administration, in response, called the investigators terrorists, "folks" who hated America, who blame America first, libruls who wanted to cut and run, and members of the "media elite" who do nothing but report bad news). I might have gotten the order of the name-calling wrong.

Democrats are far wiser and on the ball when it comes to homeland security.
As Kerry stated in December, "It's time to finally get serious, with money and attention, to the most urgent homeland security threats, including the extreme vulnerability of our ports, the most likely point of entry for terrorists with weapons of mass destruction." (As opposed to the entry point Bush thinks is the most likely one - from an invisible corridor connecting Earth to outer space, and/or one connecting the center of the Earth "to one of our major cities," as Dick Cheney would say. These people are so fucking stupid. We don't need bunker busters - we need weapons that wipe the mentalities of these morons of the face of the Earth - how about we call these weapons ARCHIE Bunker busters).

President Bush diverted funds and manpower from Afghanistan to fund the Iraq debacle. We let Osama bin Laden escape from Tora Bora and we're making little effort to capture him even though we have a pretty good idea of where he is (actually, I'm not so sure about the latter part). The new mantra being spouted from Republican talk radio to their Hannitized and Dittohead lemmings is that people shouldn't vote for the Democrats because they have no new ideas (as opposed to the old mantra, where the new ideas where bad ideas; why, when you have a perfectly sensible "old" idea already, do you need to specifically come up with a "new" one solely so that it can constitute a response to a Neanderthal one? Speaking of Neanderthals, to paraphrase Woody Allen, I'll bet that even the collective piece of flotsam of the U.N., when it looks at John Bolton, thinks of his wife, and says, "Imagine...having your very own private Neanderthal!") and that all they can do is criticize Bush (this criticism Bush has leveled- "You can criticize my conduct of the war, but not my reason for entering it" - is like saying to a rape victim, "You can criticize your rapist for the bad breath he spewed at you while he violated you, but not for the fact he broke the law.")

However, this week, Democratic congressional leaders set forth a national security policy statement, which included a call for doubling the number of Special Forces to capture bin Laden (twice zero is still zero, though, no?) Contrary to Republican assertions, Democrats do support spying and wiretap surveillance of potential terrorists. The major difference is that Democrats correctly believe that it can be done in a legal manner.

The Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) effectively balances the government's power to conduct surveillance with the need to protect Americans' civil liberties. It allows warrantless searches if circumstances require prompt action, but then requires the government to seek a warrant within 72 hours from a secret FISA court, which almost always grants the requests (I have never heard of an instance where the court denied a request, and tens of thousands have been made).

While most conservatives don't mind that the Bush administration abused its authority to spy on Quaker, antiwar and protest groups, will they be happy with such broad government surveillance powers under a Democratic president? If President Hillary Clinton authorizes surveillance of NRA members and militia groups? (Their answer is that Hillary will never become president. Brilliant retort as always. Bush is already using this power to spy on Republican political opponents, defined as those people who have thought in his presence).

We need strength and wisdom in order to protect our country from terrorism. The Bush administration has acted with much bluster, but has been consistent with its misjudgments and incompetence. The Democrats are both strong and wise. They can do better.

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Well-put. The Republican party, since the 1950's, owes a lot of success due to its ability to bleat one-word phrases (including the l word) into our airwaves and (lack of?) brainwaves.

In the '50's and '60's, the phrase increasingly became "nigra nigra nigra" (no offense to black people meant by me. This was the phrase).

In the '70's and '80s and into the early '90's, the phrase was "commie commie commie"

Through much of the '90's, it was "vayues vayues vayues."

From 2001 on, its been "terra terra terra."

Have I left any period of time out? If so, without even knowing what that time period is, here are the words: "murca murca murca."