BLANK FOR BUSH
FROM: Republican National Committee, Ed Gillespie, Chair
CC: Karl Rove, James Baker, Ken Mehlman
RE: Campaign Slogans
DATE: September 1, 2004
Greetings, fellow foamies!
As you know, the Presidential Election is a mere two months away! And you all know what that means - only two more months to scaremonger, hatemonger, confusemonger, distortmonger, and Foxmonger the everloving shit out of the American people. This strategy necessarily implies the complete and utter demonization of our opponent. Granted, many folks already are of the mind that we have achieved "Mission Accomplished" with respect to this goal - thanks to the Swiftboat Veterans Through Truth (Thanks, Karl - without you, no one would never have never had any connection to these people; say thanks to Ben Ginsburg, too - for his utterly appropriate resignation as attorney for this group once it was revealed that his acting as RNC attorney and Swift Boat advisor meant, as he said, meant that he was acting "completely appropriately"), the suggestion, now believed by a sufficient non-Dieboldized, once-only brainwashed number of our base, that if our opponent wins, the war on faggotry (don't go there, Ken) will be lost and that gay-marrying terrorists carrying mushroom clouds will not be greeted as liberators once they drop nuclear bombs in the middle of our cities, and the suggestion that our opponent looks French (hey, George, didn't your grandfather once fight alongside the French in WWII? Oh, sorry, I misspoke. Meant to say, "Fought alongside VICHY France, if you know what I mean, heh heh!")
However, reality-based polling that we have somehow been unable to suppress (see subject of previous memo "How Polls Undercut the War on Terror" for a refresher on what the RNC is doing to combat this scurrilous phenomenon) has indicated that our opponent only trails the President by three to four points overall. And, we have discovered, through reading these polls, that our opponent has a ten-point or more advantage in the thinking states! He is even running neck and and redneck with the President in a few non-thinking states! (Admitttedly, when we first read the polling data from these states, we thought that the people polled in those states were too dumb to understand the questions the pollsters asked them, but we have factored in all "fact-based" variables into our analysis of the polling of these states and still must regretfully conclude that the race in these states is a virtual tie!).
As you know, the "Presidential Debates" are soon upon us. We will continue our tactic - never once used by an American President before - of refusing to respond to the League of Women Voters' inquiry to us concerning what type of debate format we desire. If and when Fox News tells us that people find this to be an unacceptable tack, we will respond to these radical feminazis by stating that we will permit one debate - between President Bush and a highly skilled impersonator of President Bush. All questions and answers will be scripted in advance by Karl. In the extraordinarily unlikely event that this approach fails as well, well, Mr. President, we will "wire in" another solution, as we have previously discussed.
A very popular Internets site, redstatehate.com, has come up with a useful compendium of campaign slogans, some of which I believe we have not used yet. These slogans can be the subject of some great bumper stickers, magnets, swaddles, switches, whips, and even terror alerts.
They are, in no particular order:
Ex Communist KGB Leaders For Bush
Axis of Evil Ayatollahs For Bush
Divine Emperors of the World For Bush
Terrorist Dictators For Bush
Racists For Bush
Bigots for Bush
Faux Fundie Foamies For Bush
Billionaires For Bush (it has come to my attention that usage of this name may subject us to a trademark infringement lawsuit; possible other suggestions: sotft-stooled Ugly/Soft Stooled/Emotionally Constipated Billionaires for Bush)
Zomboid Corporations For Bush ascists For Bush (refer to recent MeFi thread
Thank you for your attention. Now, if I can tax your minds... Ha ! "Tax your mind for just a few more seconds!" Rememer the time Bob Dole made that comment on the Senate floor? Ted Kennedy then leapt from his chair and said, "Why haven't I thought of that?"
Bad joke, actually. Bob Dole is a loser. And we, of course, will win this election, no matter how much creme brulee we have to buy for that plug-ugly transvestite Ann Coulter!
Regards,
Ed Gillespie
Enclosure (Southern Strategy)
CC: Karl Rove, James Baker, Ken Mehlman
RE: Campaign Slogans
DATE: September 1, 2004
Greetings, fellow foamies!
As you know, the Presidential Election is a mere two months away! And you all know what that means - only two more months to scaremonger, hatemonger, confusemonger, distortmonger, and Foxmonger the everloving shit out of the American people. This strategy necessarily implies the complete and utter demonization of our opponent. Granted, many folks already are of the mind that we have achieved "Mission Accomplished" with respect to this goal - thanks to the Swiftboat Veterans Through Truth (Thanks, Karl - without you, no one would never have never had any connection to these people; say thanks to Ben Ginsburg, too - for his utterly appropriate resignation as attorney for this group once it was revealed that his acting as RNC attorney and Swift Boat advisor meant, as he said, meant that he was acting "completely appropriately"), the suggestion, now believed by a sufficient non-Dieboldized, once-only brainwashed number of our base, that if our opponent wins, the war on faggotry (don't go there, Ken) will be lost and that gay-marrying terrorists carrying mushroom clouds will not be greeted as liberators once they drop nuclear bombs in the middle of our cities, and the suggestion that our opponent looks French (hey, George, didn't your grandfather once fight alongside the French in WWII? Oh, sorry, I misspoke. Meant to say, "Fought alongside VICHY France, if you know what I mean, heh heh!")
However, reality-based polling that we have somehow been unable to suppress (see subject of previous memo "How Polls Undercut the War on Terror" for a refresher on what the RNC is doing to combat this scurrilous phenomenon) has indicated that our opponent only trails the President by three to four points overall. And, we have discovered, through reading these polls, that our opponent has a ten-point or more advantage in the thinking states! He is even running neck and and redneck with the President in a few non-thinking states! (Admitttedly, when we first read the polling data from these states, we thought that the people polled in those states were too dumb to understand the questions the pollsters asked them, but we have factored in all "fact-based" variables into our analysis of the polling of these states and still must regretfully conclude that the race in these states is a virtual tie!).
As you know, the "Presidential Debates" are soon upon us. We will continue our tactic - never once used by an American President before - of refusing to respond to the League of Women Voters' inquiry to us concerning what type of debate format we desire. If and when Fox News tells us that people find this to be an unacceptable tack, we will respond to these radical feminazis by stating that we will permit one debate - between President Bush and a highly skilled impersonator of President Bush. All questions and answers will be scripted in advance by Karl. In the extraordinarily unlikely event that this approach fails as well, well, Mr. President, we will "wire in" another solution, as we have previously discussed.
A very popular Internets site, redstatehate.com, has come up with a useful compendium of campaign slogans, some of which I believe we have not used yet. These slogans can be the subject of some great bumper stickers, magnets, swaddles, switches, whips, and even terror alerts.
They are, in no particular order:
Ex Communist KGB Leaders For Bush
Axis of Evil Ayatollahs For Bush
Divine Emperors of the World For Bush
Terrorist Dictators For Bush
Racists For Bush
Bigots for Bush
Faux Fundie Foamies For Bush
Billionaires For Bush (it has come to my attention that usage of this name may subject us to a trademark infringement lawsuit; possible other suggestions: sotft-stooled Ugly/Soft Stooled/Emotionally Constipated Billionaires for Bush)
Zomboid Corporations For Bush ascists For Bush (refer to recent MeFi thread
Thank you for your attention. Now, if I can tax your minds... Ha ! "Tax your mind for just a few more seconds!" Rememer the time Bob Dole made that comment on the Senate floor? Ted Kennedy then leapt from his chair and said, "Why haven't I thought of that?"
Bad joke, actually. Bob Dole is a loser. And we, of course, will win this election, no matter how much creme brulee we have to buy for that plug-ugly transvestite Ann Coulter!
Regards,
Ed Gillespie
Enclosure (Southern Strategy)
posted by EnterCenter at 7:26 PM
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