SUICIDERS

One of G.W. Bush's supposed selling points as a Presidential candidate was that he "spoke like the common man." Actually, the so-called "common man," a voter whom Republicans hold in vein-chilling contempt, is unable to understand Bush's unique brand of malapropisms, bungled metaphors, subject-verb disagreements, misquotes, incorrect usages of tenses, adjectives, adverbs, verbs, nouns, and failure to distinguish among them. Contrary to what Bush's handlers think, being TRULY "plain-spoken" simply means to speak without flourish or floridity; it does not mean raping the English language in an effort to occasionally throw in the big word while simultaneously trying to sound "common," only to come off as uncommonly winceworthy.

The fact that Bush is such a stranger to the English language has even caused him to insert words into his speeches that do not exist in that language. One of these words - one that he has been using with increasing frequency - is "suiciders." Ostensibly, Bush means, by "suiciders," "suicide bombers," (or people who have killed themselves or want to kill themselves), but for some reason, he either cannot articulate the phrase "suicide bombers," or genuinely thinks that "suiciders" is a real word.

Examples of how Bush has used the word suicider include:


"Now, in terms of youngsters who are looking for -- you know, who are searching for a future, if there's a hopeless future there may be an opportunity to convert them into potential suiciders.". (May 14, 2002)
"These people don't have tanks. They don't have ships. They hide in caves. They send suiciders out." (Nov. 1, 2002)
"This is a different kind of war. In the old days you used to say, well, you destroyed so many tanks or airplanes -- we're making progress. That's not the way this war is conducted. They don't have tanks. They've got caves and they've got suiciders." (Nov. 2, 2002)
"That's not to say that a suicider could slip through, and it's possible, but we will not allow the evil designs of a few to stop the process that can provide such hope for a lot of people." (May 29, 2003)
"I expressed our nation's condolences at the needless murder of innocent people, by the latest suicider." (Oct. 6, 2003)
"This is a country which recently was attacked by a suicider that killed innocent children and women." (Oct. 7, 2003)
"It is dangerous in Iraq because there are some who believe that we're soft, that the will of the United States can be shaken by suiciders -- and suiciders who are willing to drive up to a Red Cross center, a center of international help and aid and comfort, and just kill." (Oct. 28, 2003)
"I believe he wants peace for his people -- truly do. I mean, you know, look. I mean, he's a man who has presided over suiciders, where he has to go to the funerals of women and children because some cold-blooded killer is trying to destroy the hopes of all the people in the region." (Nov. 16, 2003) (Bush is referring to Ariel Sharon).
"We've discovered mass graves with over 300,000 people there, rape rooms and torture rooms. He is paying suiciders to go kill innocent Israelis." (Nov. 17, 2003)
"Because we acted, a source of money to suiciders in the Middle East has been ended." (Mar. 25, 2004)
"And we can't let people blow up a process. But that's what happened, as you might recall. And there's been suiciders and killers and -- you know -- and it's essential that we work together to stop that kind of terror." (Apr. 12, 2004)
"Saddam Hussein was a threat. He was a threat because he had used weapons of mass destruction on his own people. He was a threat because he coddled terrorists. He was a threat because he funded suiciders. He was a threat to the region. He was a threat to the United States." (Apr. 13, 2004)
"I can't remember how many times they said it, but they said, disarm. See, you're a threat. Disarm. There's a reason why a lot of people made the conclusion. It was not only based upon intelligence, it was based upon the fact that he hated America, that he's willing to pay suiciders to go kill people in Israel, that he actually used weapons of mass destruction on his own people." (Apr. 19, 2004) (Bush inadvertently revealed the fact that Saddam's hatred for America is why we attacked him).
"The threat we saw was based upon not only the intelligence, but based upon the prior behavior of Mr. Saddam Hussein, a person who clearly hated America. He's a person that had used weapons of mass destruction against his own people and against people in his neighborhood. He's a person that had terrorist ties. After all, he's the person that paid suiciders money to blow up innocent lives in the Middle East." (May 4, 2004) (How did the fact that Saddam used WMDs in Mr. Rogers-like fashion, and the fact that he conspired to "blow up" lives in the Middle East (while wearing a tie that said "Terrorist") mean that he hated America?)
"Freedom will prevail, so long as the United States and allies don't give the people of Iraq mixed signals, so long as we don't cower in the face of suiciders, or do what many Iraqis still suspect might happen, and that is cut and run early, like what happened in '91." (May 10, 2004)
"I was worried about Saddam Hussein. After all, he had attacked countries in his neighborhood, he had terrorist ties. Zarqawi, who's now running loose in Iraq, was in Baghdad prior to our arrival. He had funded terrorist activities. He paid suiciders to kill -- the families of suiciders who killed innocent Israelis." (Jun. 1, 2004) (Huh?)
"And the other thing that's happened is foreign fighters are in Iraq, who are convincing suiciders to kill innocent Iraqis. And it's tough, it's hard work." (Jun. 4, 2004)
"Saddam Hussein also had ties to terrorist organizations, as well. In other words, he was affiliated with terrorism -- Abu Nidal, the paying of families of suiciders to go kill innocent people." (Jun. 15, 2004)
"We can expect more attacks in the coming few weeks, more car bombs, more suiciders, more attempts on the lives of Iraqi officials." (Jun. 16, 2004)
"Iraqi police and Civil Defense Corps have captured several wanted terrorists, including Umar Boziani. He was a key lieutenant of this killer named Zarqawi who's ordering the suiciders inside of Iraq." (Jun. 18, 2004) ("I'll have a Big Mac and a side order of suiciders to go.")
"Zarqawi has been a threat to lot of people... He recruits suiciders, orders suiciders, and has them attack on a regular basis. (Jun. 26, 2004) "
"Zarqawi is the guy who beheads people on TV. (But not in real life). He's the person that orders suiciders to kill women and children." (Jun. 28, 2004)
"This guy Zarqawi got hospital aid there in Baghdad when Saddam Hussein was in power. He was the guy running a poisons factory in northeast Iraq. He's still in Iraq. He's the guy killing a lot of innocent people, ordering suiciders, bragging about it, cutting people's heads off." (Jul. 9, 2004)
"I don't think you order suiciders to kill innocent men, women, and children if you're a religious person." (Jul. 14, 2004)
"That's the ultimate terrorist act, isn't it, to go kill innocent people as a suicider, and he [Saddam Hussein] was willing to subsidize their families." (Aug. 13, 2004)
Before September the 11th (note the gratuitous Sept. 11th reference), the ruler of Iraq was a sworn enemy of America. He was defying the world and firing weapons at American pilots who were enforcing the world's sanctions. He had used weapons of mass destruction. He harbored terrorists, he invaded his neighbors, he subsidized the families of suiciders." (Aug. 26, 2004)
Remember Abu Nidal? He's the guy that killed Leon Klinghoffer because he was Jewish? (Question mark? Are you asking or telling?) He found safe haven in Iraq (Who? Nidal or Klinghoffer?) . In other words, terrorist groups were in this guy's country. He paid the families -- he subsidized the families of suiciders who may go blow somebody up, generally (as opposed to specifically?), an American or a Jewish person, Israeli (Americans and non-Israelis can't be Jew? The suiciders paid the people they blew up?. He'd pay them." (Aug. 28, 2004)
"These are historic times we're living in. The free societies in Afghanistan and Iraq are going to affect the neighborhood that's desperate for freedom. Think about the example they're going to set. Women will say, look at the free women of Iraq. Why can't we be free? Young boys are going to say, look, there's a free society in our neighborhood, and why do I want to strap bombs on as a suicider?" (Sep. 7, 2004)
"We will adjust strategies on the ground, depending upon the tactics of the enemy, but we're not going to allow the suiciders to drive us out of Iraq." (Sep. 23, 2004)
"They have caused certain nations to withdraw from coalitions as a result of their action, such action reinforcing the ability for suiciders, for example, to effect free societies." (Sep. 23, 2004)
"I was impressed by the people of Iraq, who, in the face of car bombings and suiciders, said, we're going to defy these folks (car bombings are "folks"?)because we want to be free." (Mar. 30, 2005)
"I was overwhelmed by the courage of the over 8 million Iraqis who defied the suiciders and car bombers and assassins to cast their vote in the country's first free and democratic election in decades." (May 17, 2005)
"I'm sure you were amazed, as was much of the world, at the 8.5 million people who defied the car bombers and the killers and the suiciders to say as loud as they possibly can, you will not prevent us from voting and exercising our rights as free citizens. What a spectacular moment in history. And now we're standing with the government as they struggle against these suiciders." (Jun. 2, 2005)
"And the second way to defeat the terrorists is to spread freedom. You see, the best way to defeat a society that is -- doesn't have hope, a society where people become so angry they're willing to become suiciders, is to spread freedom, is to spread democracy." (Jun. 8, 2005)
"We expect Syria to do everything in her power to shut down the transshipment of suiciders and killers into Iraq. (Oct. 12, 2005)."
"It's hard for me to believe that there is such brutality in the world where people going to a funeral to mourn the dead, and a suicider shows up and kills people." (Jan. 11, 2006)
"I changed our foreign policy that said, that attitude of kind of accepting the things the way they are is going to lead to the conditions that will allow the enemy to continue to breed hatred and find suiciders and soldiers in their attempt to do harm." (Jan. 11, 2006)
"You'd read about these suiciders knocking people off that were trying to stand these recruiting stations, and so the question is, are you able to get recruits? If it's dangerous to sign up, are you able to sign people up? And the answer is, absolutely. People wanted to serve the Iraqi military. This is a good sign about whether or not we're succeeding in our mission in training folks to defend their freedom. And if they're willing to sign up in the face of suiciders, it says something about their desire to protect their country." (Feb. 1, 2006)
"You know, one of the interesting measurements early on was when the enemy started bombing recruiting stations. I don't know if you remember that, but they'd drive by with a suicider or an IED and destroy people standing in line trying to serve their nation." (Feb. 17, 2006)
"The leaders of Iraq rejected this notion that a suicider and a thug and a terrorist can create civil war." (Feb. 27, 2006)
"If one were to measure progress on the number of suiciders, if that's your definition of success, I think it gives -- I think it will -- I think it obscures the steady, incremental march toward democracy we're seeing. In other words, it's very difficult -- you can have the most powerful army of the world -- ask the Israelis what it's like to try to stop suiciders. ...That's the -- but that's one of the main -- that's the main weapon of the enemy, the capacity to destroy innocent life with a suicider. ...Trying to stop suiciders -- which we're doing a pretty good job of on occasion -- is difficult to do. And what the Iraqis are going to have to eventually do is convince those who are conducting suiciders who are not inspired by al Qaeda, for example, to realize there's a peaceful tomorrow." (May 23, 2006)
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And this man wants other people to learn how to speak English? Charity begins at home.